Hi, my name is Christine Lynette Applegate. I was born Christine Lynette Porter. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It varies from type I to II depending on how I'm doing when I see my psychiatrist. I have also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Agoraphobia, Claustrophobia, Anxiety and Panic Attacks. Along with these mental health disorders, I have several physical problems as well. However, my physical problems are secondary to the mental health ones in this blog.
I'm doing this to help both myself and maybe help someone else. There have been so many times that I have been on the brink of death and wished that I wasn't alone. I know that the Lord is always with me and He has always made His presence known to me when I need it. But sometimes it helps to know that another human has felt the same way and has made it through some of the same things. I also think that writing down everything will help me to heal myself as well. I have been through so much and learned so much and if something that I have learned can help someone else and that someone makes it through a tough time without hurting themselves, then this is worth it!
My diagnosis of Bipolar wasn't made until May of 2000 but I had been suffering with it for many years prior. The psychiatrists just kept diagnosing me with major depression. Let's back up a bit to when I first started having problems.
People have always seen me as very shy and retiring. I've always been a wallflower, the kind of person that people forget is even there. The person who helps everyone, listens to everyone's problems and usually doesn't lose her temper. The problem was that when I did lose my temper, it was like a cork coming out of the champagne bottle!! It was an explosion!! I also couldn't always remember what I said or did. I would literally see the color red and that was it. I never realized that wasn't normal for anyone else, nor did I tell anyone about it. This had started about the time I was in high school. I usually tried to make sure that the "cork" blew when no one else was around so that I wouldn't hurt anyone. I would punch brick walls with my hand or my head (never breaking anything, though I tried!), I have punched holes in walls, thrown things (preferably away from people).
I couldn't understand what was happening to me. It didn't happen very often so I wasn't too worried about it when I was in high school and in the Marine Corps. It started getting worse when I got pregnant with my first child and worse with each subsequent pregnancy.
While most women's hormones usually go back to normal after the babies are born, mine did not. My mental health just got worse with each one. Abuse I had suffered as a child that I had blocked came back to me, but that's a topic for another day. After my second daughter was born, I started seeing psychiatrists and psychotherapists for help. I was put on many different medications. Some helped for a time, some had many side effects that I wasn't willing to live with, others just didn't help at all. That's another subject!
Since the correct diagnosis was made in May of 2000, I have been in treatment for it as well as therapy for the Borderline Personality Disorder, which is another topic. Because of my sensitivity for medications, they don't treat my anxiety and panic attacks with medications. I usually have a service dog now to help me with that!
Stay tuned for the next installment! Let me know if you like this or not!!!
May the Lord Bless You and Yours!!!
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